Pacifier
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Children like surprises but only if they know they are coming. So if it is the day of their birthday or Christmas, they want to be surprised with a wonderful gift. But they know that day is coming so there is no surprise that the event arrives and is fun and exciting just like it is supposed to be. But as a rule, children do not like surprises when it comes to rituals of their daily lives.
You can't blame them after all. When you are living in a world that is dominated by people ten times bigger than you and you are picked up and carried to mysterious places, consistency and what you can depend on becomes vitally important. One of the things that a very young child does come to depend on is their pacifier. To the child the pacifier is much more than a simple piece of plastic to suck on. It represent home and what it feels like to be safe and loved. It represents mommy because that feeling of sucking on the pacifier is an emotional connection to nursing. The pacifier is a friend, a family member and as important a ritual of life as we think of our night time glass of wine or morning coffee.
Small wonder that when it is time to move the little one off of the pacifier, it can be a difficult moment for child and parent alike. To the parent, it is easy to get impatient and want to say, "What is the big deal?" But it is a big deal. Remember that adults get used to the idea of giving things up. We have long term gratification that we have learned to depend on so we can give up momentary pleasures in exchange for the greater good.
A child does not have that luxury. Because her life has been short so far, momentary pleasures are all she knows. She has no experience giving something up. So if you suddenly announce she must give up the pacifier, you might as well say you must move out and never see mommy again or you must cut off your hand. It is that big of a blow to a child.
The upshot is that when you begin the process of guiding our little one through weaning off of the pacifier, be patient, be loving and be understanding. Above all, give the child plenty of advance warning that this day will come. By talking about it weeks and perhaps months before it actually is going to happen, the child can ask all the questions she needs to ask and she can prepare herself emotionally for the change.
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The important thing is by warning her in advance, she can begin to understand that the pacifier is not permanent part of life. She can allow her desire to be a "big girl" to replace her urgent desire to never give the pacifier up. And she can give in to that overwhelming desire to please mom and dad. Those urges in an infant child are powerful. So work with your child to let them run their course. If you approach the weaning process in this way, thigns will go much more smoothly for you and for the child as well.
